DOUBLE-LENGTH
ARTICLE
As
I had half-expected, Article 111 – Ouroboros
At Large – lit more than a few short fuses. Anonymous online abuse spewed
forth within twenty minutes of publication, which proved, with unintentional
irony, the very point I was making. No matter; but it reinforces my reluctance
to allow comments on the page. Emails, on the other hand, are always welcome,
and the majority remain thoughtful and good-humoured. Keep them coming. I
always find time to read them. This post promises to be a much gentler affair.
The
best summers are those that promise never to end. This has been one of them.
Not everyone will agree, since I have heard a wide range of horror stories from
friends. Many involved airports, before holidays even began. (Here, I ought to
be very grateful. During my 20s alone, I managed to visit more than fifty different
countries, in five of the seven continents. Flying was unadulterated pleasure,
and air passengers, generally, were both respected and respectful. Once abroad,
it was pure bliss to point a hired car toward the horizon and just go, through
small-and-quirky towns and lost coastal villages, eating and drinking with the
locals, learning foreign languages, and allowing a novel ‘elsewhere’ to unfold
before one’s eyes.)
Air
travel, in the present era of cattle class and jihad, though, is oppressive. (Having dark hair, brown eyes and a
vaguely Mediterranean look is an added inconvenience.) Intrusive ‘security’
searches, cramped seating and being obliged to endure selfish, drunken cretins have
become the accepted norm (Figure 112.1). On arrival, rip-offs lurk in every
corner of every city and resort. Restaurants, hotels and car-hire firms are the
chief offenders. (A friend and I were once chased down a Milanese back street
because of our inadequate 10% tip for lousy service.)
Figure
112.1: A summer paradise? How so?
Copyright
© 2017 metro.co.uk
What,
then, is the remedy? Fly-abroad-only-when-you-have-to is one. As for holidays,
given the inevitable stress of air travel, and Sterling’s temporary weakness on
the foreign exchange markets, is the answer not obvious?
Yesterday
began as follows. At 9:00 a.m., we left our hotel, a comfortable old
whitewashed pub, at a crossroads in the middle of a grassy nowhere, and drove
along a quiet lane over rolling fields to the nearby town (pop. 1,600), on the
eastern extremity of the island. Across the strait, the mainland mountains were
topped with morning mist, which would surely be burnt off by the sun well
before midday.
We
walked along the jetty to its recently-renovated, wooden-decked pontoon end. A
small white motor boat bobbed gently next to its mooring. On board, its
turbo-charged engine disturbed the silence. We set off northward, maintaining a
constant 200 metres between us and the rocky shore. Looking back inland, atop a
tree-covered hill was an 11th-century motte-and-bailey fortress. Although open
to the public, its restoration having been completed only last year, it
retained a derelict, even ghostly, appearance. Further along, almost at the land’s end
– not the Land’s End, in Cornwall –
stood the ruins of an ancient monastery next to a disused limestone quarry. The
entire area looked forsaken, but beautiful just by being so.
Beyond
the coastal tip, we sailed around a well-maintained lighthouse, fully operational,
flashing once every five seconds, but unattended for almost a century (Figure
112.2). In the near distance lay a solitary offshore island, uninhabited and virtually
inaccessible – to humans, at least. A protected area for the conservation of
wild birds, flocks of white-breasted cormorants and kittiwake gulls looked out
from the cracks and ledges of imposing cliff faces rising sheer from the sea.
Figure
112.2: Man (almost) overboard
Copyright
© 2017 Paul Spradbery
Having
looped around the island, we completed the offshore circuit and stepped back
onto the jetty at 11:30. Back on the road, the rural lanes were almost clear of
traffic. We criss-crossed the island to its opposite (western) extremity,
following a narrow, winding lane to a dramatic clifftop. Perched on an exposed
islet, accessible by a truss footbridge, stood another lighthouse, its
brilliant whiteness causing it to glow under the midday sun (Figure 112.3). We
trekked 412 steps down the cliff, then another 75 up a magnificently-restored
spiral staircase to the top of the tower. The breathtaking panorama was
well worth the breathlessness.
Figure
112.3: The 360° view from the top of the lighthouse is well worth the killer
trek.
Copyright
© 2017 Paul Spradbery
After
picnicking on the clifftop, we navigated a labyrinth of lanes in search of the
main northbound road. After twenty minutes, we reached somewhere truly magical.
Turning off the main road onto a single-lane track, we located a solitary
parking space alongside a rusty gate leading to an isolated lake of perhaps 30
acres (Figure 112.4). Bisecting the water was a straight, narrow causeway, perhaps
an old quarry track, which was alive with exotic-looking flying insects. Some
were recognizable. There were numerous bright blue damselflies, hovering and
fluttering above the water, if a little camera-shy, their wings tucked in when
at rest. Others I could not identify. We learned later that it was a private
lake, stocked annually with brown trout, and home to some rare aquatic plants.
The boys were more interested in skimming stones, investigating some abandoned
rowing boats, and were reluctant to leave.

Figure
112.4: Almost hidden from the world, this small, two-part lake is a
geographical gem.
Crown
Copyright © 1985
Continuing
northward, we reached a small fishing port with a sheltered natural harbour (Figure
112.5). There were around thirty people roaming its sandy beach, kids fishing
for red crabs and mackerel from the top of the sea wall, cafés with decorated verandas
overlooking the bay, and cliff-faces which looked to be a geologist’s paradise.
Formed presumably by coastal erosion over millennia, the colours and shapes of
all the different rock strata were indescribable.
Figure
112.5: If you recognize this place, please keep it to yourself.
Copyright
© 2017 Paul Spradbery
At
4:30, the day was beginning to quieten down – not that it had ever been noisy
or hectic. Air temperature was probably still 20°C, and the bay water had been
warmed by the sun since mid-morning. We kicked around in the waves for an hour
or two until the sun began its descent above the western headlands beyond the
bay. As we left, a boat with a single white sail drifted into the harbour
(Figure 112.6). It was met by a couple of grizzled old seadogs ready to carry a
few open containers ashore. Fresh seafood for the locals’ dinners, I thought.
Figure
112.6: There are clues, if you look closely.
Copyright
© 2017 Paul Spradbery
Our
clothes dried in the sun on our way along the esplanade to the car. We drove
the remaining ten miles back to town, windows wound down and listening to ELO
and Gerry Rafferty. The car seats and footwells were a mess of sand, damp socks
and sausage roll wrappers, but none of us gave a damn.
It
was almost 7:30 when we reached an open-fronted (three-or-four-table) bistro on
the pretty main street. The staff were unconcerned by our unkempt beach-bum
appearance. They could see that we had spent the entire day outdoors and
cherished every minute of uncomplicated freedom. My younger son’s trousers were
still rolled up to his knees and spilling sand everywhere, yet no apology was
necessary. We ordered more (award-winning) fish and chips than we could eat,
relived the day, then wandered down to the promenade from where we had set sail
in the morning.
At
the western end of the prom, about a dozen men were, in defiance of the fading
light, playing bowls on a well-tended green which was surrounded by colourful
late-flowering shrubs. Laughter echoed from a small beach-shack pavilion, its front
guttering festooned with coloured lights. We stopped to watch for a while
before returning to the car via the waterfront. It was gone 9:00 when we
stumbled through the hotel doors and upstairs for a hot bath.
That
was just a single day. We have enjoyed many of similar quality throughout the
summer – no queueing, no rip-offs, no ‘security’ delays, no antisocial drunks,
no jam-packed beaches, and no passports required. The glorious, unblemished ‘elsewhere’
that I have tried to describe is, technically, part of the UK. Find it, if you
can. I am saying nothing more.
Copyright ©
2017 Paul Spradbery