Audi Alteram Partem

Dear LSH,

If you have made it this far, then you are almost home and dry. Well done. First, I am sorry (sort of) that your rail ticket was booked for a train departing so early in the day. This was for a good reason, which I shall explain later.

It was crucial that, while aboard the train, you were positively identified beyond any doubt. No risks could be taken. This is why you were allocated a specific seat. You might counter that the person occupying your seat could have been someone else — that is, a random ‘other’ passenger taking a chance that the ‘owner’ of the seat had either not boarded or was seated elsewhere. That would be quite logical, but it was a puzzle that I had already addressed.

To eliminate the possibility of this scenario occurring, I made sure that someone else would be occupying your seat when (or if) you arrived at it. Think: when discovering that the seat was already taken, only you would ask the occupant to vacate it. Another random passenger would not request this, as he/she would not be able to produce the appropriate ticket and, in any case, would logically assume that the seat was already occupied by the designated person.

In case you have not realized, I myself was the original occupant. You identified yourself the moment you asked me to move. I even looked you in the eyes when I apologized for the ‘mistake’, hoping that you would make a subconscious note of my face — the same one top right on this web page. I even thought to wear a black T-shirt.

I was not worried that the instructions sent to you might end up in the wrong hands. No sensible person would embark on a long and random cross-country rail journey with a stolen one-way ticket and no means of getting back. Once I had identified you correctly, I could publish this message with confidence. (I now know what you look like, which is not what I had expected. No offence intended.)

You alighted at the agreed station. I know this because I alighted there, too. I had driven there the previous day, left my car in the station car park and taken the train back to where I had set out. In other words, my journey on your train was in fact the return leg for me. Once I knew that all was well, I had simply to get in my car and drive all the way back.

Outside the station, you boarded the correct bus. When I wrote that your destination contained a girl’s name, I had to check that it was the only one on the network map, which it was. Once you had found it on one of the maps displayed at the bus stops, you would then be confident that you were waiting at the correct shelter and boarding the correct bus, which I witnessed and photographed. This picture was sent on via email.

Assuming that no one else would have made it to that point, the instructions to the terrace were made unambiguous. It was my idea to use the bayberry bush as a marker. Of course, there would be no berries this time of year, but I knew that you would be able to identify it by its leaves, so long as you arrived before dark. This was the reason for your early departure. (By the way, this distinctive shrub is not commonly found in the UK. It is native to North America but grows well over here as the climate is comparably temperate.)

The box was left in the only obvious place. I chose a polycarbonate container because it is waterproof, strong and shatter-resistant, made from the same material used for safety glasses and riot shields. I presume that you now have it safely in your possession.

OK, the combination is 7-2-1-1-3-2-0. The small plastic sachet contains silicone lubricant. Spread it on the number barrels, after cleaning them, in case any of them are stiff and difficult to rotate. (This was a precaution. I have no idea how long the box has been lying there.) Inside it, you will — I hope — find a house key attached to a metal tag, on one side of which is engraved a nearby address (Figure 227.1), with my mobile number on the other. Get yourself a good night’s sleep and send me an SMS text message tomorrow morning (Monday, 27th).

Figure 227.1: How apt that she appears to be tearing her hair out.

Public domain

Remember: I am not an ally, so you must not consider me as such. Nor am I an adversary — just, if you like, a benevolent arbiter, there to uphold the rules. Also, keep in mind that there are two sides to every argument. Be careful. If you are not aware of one side, then how do you know that you would not support it if you were? Audi alteram partem!

So, there you are. Hidden in plain sight on the internet. Who said it could not be done?

Copyright © 2023 Paul Spradbery